Let the Dark One In
by Metatron85
Summary: First collaboration between FuckTheReaper & Metatron85. Jade has come home to find out she has been locked out of her house. Hilarity ensues. Jori two-shot.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First collaboration between FuckTheReaper & Metatron85.**

**Jade has come home to find out she has been locked out of her house. **

* * *

It was a rather chilly night in Los Angeles. People wouldn't think that south of the Golden State would experience anything but a pleasant climate. Then that sun goes down and on some of these nights; the wind would be howling away across the Pacific Ocean, sending frigid gusts up from the coastline. If you were visiting or had the pleasure of living in the Hollywood Hills and you were hoofing it, one would be tempted to hitchhike. But even if the car would stop (it never would) but if it did, do not ignore that voice in your head and get in.

The driver of that particular vehicle on this particular night was in no mood. And fortunately she was driving home by herself, alone with her thoughts. Just as well. Can you fathom being trapped in a moving car right next to an angrier-than-usual Jade West?

"Self-important **_pig_**" she muttered to herself. "Mental note: cut that idiot's brakes at first opportunity."

The 'pig' in question was record producer Lars Ligeti. He was one of those overnight European millionaires who regularly woke up in the morning and decided that he wanted to do something that was clearly out of his depth. For one of his 'business ventures,' Ligeti bought up Voyager Records. But it wasn't bad enough that he made the company go public but now Ligeti feels he has to give his own creative input to the artists on contract.

"We have to think of our shareholders, Jade" he snidely stated to the Goth.

To battle this, Jade wore the same shirt everyday (she bought multiples). It was a white tee with a post modern design on it with these words: ART IS WORKING ON SOMETHING UNTIL YOU LIKE IT AND THEN LEAVING IT THAT WAY. One day, the artists were brought into a meeting where Lars wanted to ingratiate himself with those who were working for him. Jade led a silent but effective protest. Every single time, he had a note of criticism or a suggestion for something 'creative', the musicians would take out one-by-one their Grammys, People's Choice Awards and MTV VMA's. By the time Lars was through with his points, he was staring at a conference table covered in brass and gold. Jade gave him a sly smirk.

Lars countered with convincing the RIAA to awarding Jade's latest album with a Parental Advisory sticker. He told her that because of this label, outlets like Wal-Mart will refuse to carry it. Jade would have to edit her work to make it appropriate for all ages. Jade wanted to smash the stool she was sitting on across the man's teeth.

Driving home, Jade cursed the man who was torpedoing her music career all because he needs another yacht to date rape college girls. Or so she heard.

It pissed her off even more because she was under contract for the rest of the year before she could leave. Nobody else in the industry was going to raise the kind of money necessary to buy her out. So, she was stuck. What's worse, she was obligated to churn out one more album under the Voyager banner. Jade thought she was going to be sick.

"Finally," Jade sighed out loud. "Home."

Jade lived with Tori Vega. Formerly high school frenemies, the pair were now inseparable. They lived together for four years; happily married for two. It was a small outside ceremony with Harvey Fierstein of all people as the Justice of the Peace. Naturally, the media ate these beautiful girls up. People couldn't get enough of Hollywood's first real gay power couple. They collaborated only once on a double album called "Immortal Beloved," which is based on a legendary love letter written by Ludwig van Beethoven intended for an unknown person. They fell deeply in love during its making, they couldn't remember the original title of the album but they thought the new one was perfect.

To this day it remained the best selling record for either one of them. _The Chicago Tribune_ called Tori and Jade, "the most important couple in music since John and Yoko, except in Miss Vega's case she has a beautiful voice." A limited edition vinyl version of the album sold out the first day at all Hot Topic stores. If you were lucky to get both girls to sign that LP, you could put it on eBay for $1500 all day long.

Jade parked the car and turned off the ignition. She was about to grab her messenger bag in the passenger seat when she notice the mail box lever was up. The carrier came through.

_"Maybe it finally came,"_ she thought.

The Goth quickly hopped out of the car, shutting the door behind her, as she bounded to the box. Jade opened the small metal door and grabbed the stack of mail from within. She frowned as she perused the day's snail mail. Jade had her heart on that package she ordered almost two weeks ago. She checked the tracking number and it said it would arrive today.

This was just not her day.

Jade walked slowly back to her car, her head hung a little low. Her hand gripped the door handle and it didn't click. The door didn't budge.

This was really not her day.

The pale girl cursed herself something fierce as she peered through the driver side window and sure enough inside the locked car were her bunch of keys hanging from the ignition. Apart form the obvious, Jade was also annoyed because her house keys were on that ring as well. Then an idea flew into her head. She ran to the front door and felt around the rafter. Nothing there. It was then that Jade remembered she was supposed to make the copy of the house key for emergencies.

"FUCK!" exclaimed Jade as she kicked the dirt.

Jade groaned as she began knocking on the door.

No answer.

She tried again and same non-answer.

She backed up and looked at the second story window. There were lights on. In the corner of her eye, Jade could make out Tori's Nissan parked outside the garage. She was home alright but why isn't she answering the door?

This time, Jade kicked the door with her booted foot. She marveled at the strength of this door. Still no reply from within.

"What is she doing?" Jade asked aloud. "Did she fall in or something?"

Tori loved to entertain. Whenever someone would come to visit, she would go around like a crazy robot cleaning everything and putting out hors d'oeuvres. Figures she would choose a time like this to not pay the door any mind.

Jade then started sending a barrage of phone calls and texts.

Several minutes pass as she stared at her glowing phone screen. Her blood was absolutely boiling at this point. She was locked out of her own house and freezing; the perfect capper on an already shitty day.

The brunette noticed the tree by the side of the house and was at that point where there was no such thing as a crazy idea. Before she knew it, Jade was scaling the large tree that reached all the way to the second story. The Goth was able to see inside one of the lit windows and there was her wife, dancing around like nobody's watching (little did she know). Upon closer inspection, Jade could make out that Tori was wearing her earbuds while her PearPod was attached to her hip.

She always did that. And it drove Jade insane. She would listen to her music so loudly that she might as well be in outer space. Because there was no reaching her. Jade figured even if her phone was in her pocket, the vibration was weak compared to her flamenco movements and don't even start with the ringtone.

Jade shimmied along a branch and as she got closer, she began to make sense of what she was singing because it was coming through the walls.

_"Cause you know that if you live in your imagination... Tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination... In my victory... Just remember me... When I make it SHIIIIIINE!"_

"Oh I'll make it shine, you deaf bitch" Jade growled. "You're gonna light up when my boot meets your ass..."

With a loud crunch the limb gave out and Jade let out a yell as she crashed down to the earth.

"GODDAMNIT!" she shouted, nursing her elbow.

What Jade didn't see was what became of that pesky tree branch. It didn't land with her. Instead, it got snagged by the cable line after it snapped and like a pendulum smashed through the living room window.

* * *

Meanwhile, over at Schneider Security Systems in West Hollywood...

"Hey, Eddie" muttered a mustached man wearing a headset. "We have a break-in alarm at 70069 Elysium Drive."

The man called Eddie joined his coworker.

"Look at that," Eddie pointed at the flashing light on the map. "It's a Level: Blue."

"Oh shit," the other guy exclaimed. "Never saw one of those..."

"I'll make the call..." Eddie said shortly after leaving.

S.S.S. has installed sophisticated home and business security all around the Southern California area. And given the sensitive history of the LAPD, any customers with ties to the police are categorized as "Level: Blue" because such residences are criminal targets so any reports of burglaries or arson are a very big deal. The normal protocol is to inform the affiliated party immediately. In this case, the cop in question wasn't the owner but the father of the owner.

"What's happened?" Captain David Vega shouted as he ran out the door, alerting a few beat cops on his way out the precinct to follow him.

And so there were four squad cars, including a K9 unit, on their way to the West-Vega estate.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I am floored by all of your reactions to the first part of the story. As many of you already know, comedy is not my strength so FuckTheReaper really made this thing possible. **

**Enjoy the second half ;-)**

* * *

Jade got up and blurted out a few more expletives. Not surprisingly, nobody had really heard the commotion. Apart from the nearest neighbor being about fifty yards away, that house was empty because a party was being held at the end of the street.

She looked up, breathing heavily. Then she remembered a trellis on the other side of the house that Tori had completely strewn with pink roses. Jade ran to the other side of the house, oblivious to the broken window she probably could've entered through. The height of the iron decoration (which was hidden beneath the flora) didn't daunt Jade at first but she was concerned about its stability. She knew she didn't weigh very much but how strong _was_ that damn thing?

The Goth gripped one of the few exposed areas of black metal and yanked on it. They attached it to the house pretty good; not budging a tiny bit. She shrugged and began scaling the vertical rose garden. Jade let out a breath of relief as she got a quarter of the way up. Maybe she lucked out this time and it really could support a person.

Her luck quickly ran out when the first of dozens of prickle thorns stabbed her like tiny little knives.

"Oh, fuck this" Jade growled. She looked at how much closer to the second floor she was. An open window wasn't too far away. Maybe Tori could hear. "TORI VEGA! LET ME IN OR I'LL BEAT THE TAN OUT OF YOU!" She caught a glimpse of what looked like the shadow of her wife dancing as she dusted the room. "Well, that didn't work" Jade sighed.

Tori must have be at the other end of her playlist at this point. That's where she takes show tunes and customize the lyrics.

* * *

_**"I only know when she..."**_

_**"Began to dance with me..."**_

_**"I could have danced..."**_

_**"Danced..."**_

_**"Danced..."**_

_**"All night!" **_

The half Latina flew across the room, dusting the bedroom furniture. She even danced as she tended to her shelf of Precious Moments figurines she's collected over the years. She was completely unaware of her wife's unending struggling to get inside her own house.

* * *

"OUCH!" exclaimed Jade as she looked at her sleeve and saw a big thorn stuck in her wrist. "Shit," she breathed. Biting her tongue she pulled the bastard out and threw it away. "What next?"

"FREEZE!" "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

Jade looked down and saw standing at the ground below three cops with their guns drawn, pointing squarely at her.

"HANDS UP!" one of them commanded.

"Idiot!" Jade protested. "If I put my hands up, I'll fall and you're gonna have a big problem when I come down."

"HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE THEM!"

Jade let go and felt gravity pulling her to the ground when she swung with a ferocity that ended up with a big pain in the back of her head. Her view was upside-down, which made her look "up" to see that she was dangling by one of the strong vines.

"I told you assho-"

WHAM!

Maybe not that strong.

While the "attempted burglar" was down, police seized on the opportunity to cuff her and drag her into the back of the cruiser.

* * *

David Vega let himself in with the spare key Tori gave her and searched the entire downstairs and saw nothing suspicious apart from the broken glass. He then went upstairs where he could hear his youngest daughter singing very loudly.

He cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled "TORI!"

The girl jumped about ten feet as she spun around and yelped in surprise.

"Jesus, Dad!" she exclaimed, clutching her chest. "You scared the fudge out of me." She took her ear buds off and stuffed them in her pocket.

"Honey, you didn't know what's going on?"

Tori blinked "What?"

"Somebody tried breaking into your house," he gave her a condescending fatherly look. "Your living room window is smashed."

"Oh my God!" she covered her mouth.

"The silent alarm went off, they called 911 and we intercepted the call."

Tori hugged her dad. Even grown up she still felt like a kid when her father was around. But not in a bad way. He always her and her sister made her feel safe.

"Vega," his radio sounded. "Captain, we got her. She's begin taken away."

He grabbed the radio and pushed the button "Good work, boys. You can go on back to the precinct. House is secure. Just take a picture of the window before you leave."

"Who was it?"

"Don't know. Yet. Probably a crazy fan or something." he shrugged. "You know how these people get."

Tori nodded.

The two descended the stairs and David pointed to the living room where the broken glass was everywhere.

"Hmmm," he mused. "Looks like she used that tree limb to break the window."

"Hey!" Tori said as she ran to the open front door. "That's Jade's car outside."

"She's home?" David asked.

"No," she sighed. "At least I don't think so..."

He shook his head "Nobody else was here when I search the house."

"Oh no" Tori gasped. "Something must have happened to her. What if that psycho did something to her? What if she was waiting for Jade to come up the drive?"

David had to consider that. A very famous murder spree in the Hollywood Hills began along similar lines.

"Boys," David called into his radio. "Those not transporting the suspect come back. I want a canvas of the residence and five miles around it."

"What do we do, dad?" Tori asked almost about to cry.

"We're going to the station and get some answers from this woman."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, David Vega with his daughter Tori in tow, returned to Municipal One.

"Where is she?" he asked one of the officers from the scene, seated at his desk.

"Already processed," the man in round glasses replied. "She's in holding cell 12."

"That's some quick work, Cecil" David nodded. "Thanks."

He leaned over as the two Vegas walked toward holding.

"Hey, Cap! Do you need me to prep an interrogation room for you?"

"Yes, do that!"

The father and daughter walked along the corridor of mostly empty cells and at the far right was one with an embittered brunette with the scariest scowl and brightest blue-green eyes staring back at them.

"Hey Cecil!" David called out.

The young officer came running in.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Is that the burglar?" he asked, pointing to the girl behind bars.

"Uh-huh" he nodded. "She was a lively one. I mean just look at that face, she's furious."

Tori gave a nervous grin. She couldn't agree more.

"That's my daughter in law," David explained.

Cecil pointed at the girl. "Not Trina?"

"No" he stressed. "My Daughter _IN LAW_"

"That's my wife, Jade" Tori said for further clarity.

Cecil looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Oh," he said. "I guess it wasn't breaking in then."

"Tori," Jade said in her deepest voice. "Let me out of here in the next 30 seconds and make sure this dick is not in my sights when you do. Or I _**will** _have a reason for being in here."

The spectacled cop handed the younger Vega the ring of keys and bolted.

David Vega couldn't help but chuckle at this insane night.

Jade was less than amused.

* * *

The ride home couldn't have been quieter. Tori didn't dare say anything to a more pissed than usual Jade West.

Once they pulled up to their house, Jade got out first leaving Tori. She then went inside, slamming the door shut. Tori eventually got to the door and tried to open it, finding it was locked. She turned and turned but got nothing. She pounded on the door.

"JADE! Let me in, baby!"

The Goth stuck her head out the window right above the front door.

"Hey, cupcake" she grimaced. "What's the problem?"

"I'm locked out Jade" Tori replied annoyed. "Can you let me in, please?"

The girl with black hair gave it careful consideration and said a very stern "No."

"No?"

"Think I'll let you wait for as long as I was stuck out here. And don't try to break in" Jade winked. "I hear the LAPD are brutal."

Tori threw up her hands. "You can't just leave me out here!"

"Two hours is nothing. And at least you haven't fallen twice and got pricked by stupid rose thorns."

"You know," Tori put her hands on her hips. "None of this would've happened if you didn't lock your keys in your car."

"Oh," she growled. "Just for that...three hours."

"But..."

Jade yawned, "This day's been fucked. I'm going to bed."

"But..."

"Don't worry, I'll set my alarm to wake me up to let you in."

"Jade, how can you do that?"

"You knew I was a spiteful bitch when you married me," she pointed.

"I..." Tori stopped pleading when she heard howling in the far distance. "Jade! I think I hear wolves."

"Wow," Jade nodded. "Good thing you're wearing _running shoes_."

* * *

**A/N: Sometimes the funniest way to go out is on a dark note.**


End file.
